So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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