The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
