i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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