Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
