I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
