I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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