Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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