I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
