people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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