The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
