Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
