so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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