U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
