he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
