sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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