you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
