I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
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