So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
