you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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