I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How does it feel to date your dad?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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