Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
