before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize