so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
