Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
