drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
