I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize