I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
one might say we're banned from that church
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
