isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
