i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize