just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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