Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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