This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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