Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
