I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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