No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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