i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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