I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
