Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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