No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
