last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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