put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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