none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
