STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
