He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
