Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
