Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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