video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
