Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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