I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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