Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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