I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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