Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
