I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can you repeat that, but with context?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize