Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
