I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
