I am in a vortex of obligation.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
