woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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