my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
