it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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