If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this will be a night to untag.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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