How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
