We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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