your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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