And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
