So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
