Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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