just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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