it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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